"Lesbian Hands"

I'm not a Very Good Gay. Not only do I bitch and whine about the dearth of good-looking lesbians (at Pride -- or for that matter, anywhere), but I've apparently not been checking out women in the right way.

All along, I've been looking for a lovely smile, something captivating in their eyes, shapely legs and a nicely endowed busom. Of course -- and I say this with sincerity -- the first requirements are intellect and humor. But if there's something I learned from XGF, while those two factors are essential, I've got to have the attraction. Thus, all those other aforementioned features, and my willingness to ogle women shamelessly.

But I've recently learned that I've been looking at the wrong body parts. Or so one of my friends would have me believe. (To protect the innocent, I'm not even using the fake name I give this woman because ... well, I'm SKEPTICAL.)

According to said Anonymous Friend, lesbians are supposed to be more concerned with hands than with breasts or smiles or legs or eyes.

Like I said, I'm skeptical. Because breasts....

Anyway, Anonymous Friend tells me that the size of a woman's hands -- more specifically, the length and width of her fingers -- is supposed to be an indicator equivalent to penis size. AF tells me that "all lesbians look at hands" for that reason.

I cannot recall doing such a thing in my life. It's not that I don't look at a woman's hands, but I have never looked at them for that reason. I look at them to see if she bites her nails, if she practices good hygiene, if she works with her hands a lot or if she pampers them. I think the way you care for your hands says a lot about the way you care for yourself.

But does size really matter? Is finger length some kind of be-all, end-all in lesbian sex?

I just can't imagine it's so.

In fact, what comes to mind is an old magician's saying: It's not the size of the wand that counts, it's the magic in it.

And I don't say this to you as someone whose hands or fingers have ever come into question. (If anything, I'd say my tied tongue might raise some eyebrows. But even that has never stood in the way of pleasure for my partners.) In fact, Anonymouos Friend checked out my hands over dinner and told me they seemed quite sufficient -- but maybe I ought to trim the nails.

Now *there* is a reason to check out a lesbian's hands. The longer her nails, the more likely it is she's not getting any. Or at least not putting any out.

Anyway, I have never heard of this hand-checking stuff before, but Anonymous Friend tells me it's all the rage among the lesbians she knows.

Whatever. I think I'll stick with the things that matter: brains and beauty.

And breasts, of course.