Do gays *really* clean up the neighborhood?

The Clairvoyant, The One and I are in the car, on the way to the Baghdad to see "Syriana" (because we are so behind the times and because, as became obvious, it's better to drink and watch that film than just watch that film on its own). TC wants my opinion:

"Maybe this is a case of reverse discrimination: You tell me," she says. "So this house next door is up for rent, and The One told me yesterday that the owners were fixing it up and working in the yard. I told him to go over there and tell them that they should put an ad in 'Just Out,' that gay magazine here in town."

The One interrups. "Mind you, I don't even *know* them, but she wants me to go over and tell them to get us some gay neighbors."

"Right, right!" TC says, "because I think they should rent to a gay couple. So The One goes over and tells them that, and this morning, I see the owner and she tells me, 'Don't worry, honey. If we don't get a hit off Craigslist this weekend, we'll put it in that gay newspaper. And we'll do everything we can to get you a gay couple in here.' Man, I just think that's great! If you don't ask, you don't get what you want, you know."

Why do you want gay neighbors? I ask.

"Because they keep up their houses, and they keep their lawns looking nice," TC says.

Oh, right. I forgot, I said, thinking of how long the lawn at my house had gotten just before I moved out and how prolific the weeds were.

"You know what you are?" The One tells her, shaking his head. "You're a New Age Archie Bunker."