Housekeeping & etc.

First, a note to Dr. M and S2: Ain't no one gonna get the better of me.

Maybe they do for a little while, but I've been fortunate to always have someone who watches my six. This time, it's been the two of you and your most valuable common sense.

I'm thinking of a variation on that scene in "Moonstruck," where Cher slaps Nick Cage and issues a little, "Snap outta it!" Or something like that. I think you two know what I mean.

Grazie.

Second: A friend who's recently made her first appearance on my blog objects strenuously to being called The Jewish Baptist. (It was a shorthand, right? I was just trying to get a piece of writing done.) Said friend claims, "I'm Jewish by injection only." (Everyone can just chew on that for a while....)

"I was just thinking of some other moniker," she said. "People should know me as I am. The wrong name would create the wrong impression."

Therefore, she requests -- I kid you not -- to be known heretofore as (She who) "Shall be Revered" or SBR for short. Far be it from me to give people inappropriate names or to call them other than what they wish. Therefore: SBR, it is. (When you die, you'll have to take it up with Mr. God about why *you* are SBR, I suppose, but that's not really my concern. Just a thought.)

Now, S2: You got a new name for *yourself* yet?

Third: So this is a total rip-off of Dr. M, but "SQUEEEE!" (This is her sound effect. It is possible, though, that it's not a Dr. M original. I'm sure she'll tell me what movie it comes from if it's a copy-cat. And I'll try to come up with my own sound effect later, especially if SQUEE is trademarked or something....)

So what's all the SQUEE-ing about? Tonight, I poached salmon just the way XGF poaches salmon. I did it myself. Without reading a book or NUTHIN'! Just came out of my little brain. A stovetop poaching: wine, vegetable stock, lemons and lots and lots of dill. Turned out perfectly.

I ate half of the salmon tonight, and tomorrow, for lunch, I'll have me some salmon on salad or something.

Fourth: Don't believe people who work in produce. And trust me on this. Because I used to work in produce.

Tonight, at my favorite store, I was shopping, and I realized I hadn't looked in my produce drawer before going to the store. (Actually, I hadn't looked in my refrigerator at all. Nor my pantry. Nor a cookbook. I was just foraging at the store, OK?)

Anyway, I thought to myself: Should I buy baby bok choy -- or not? So I asked the guy working there on the potatoes: How long does baby bok choy last in the fridge?

He said, and I quote, "Oh, about two or three days at the most."

So I said, So if I bought a baby bok choy like, uh, two weeks ago, it's probably not any good?

He wrinkled his nose, shook his head and told me it wasn't possible.

So I bought myself some new babies. Get home, and I'm putting those babies in the fridge, and I inspect the one that's in there: Looks as fresh as the day I brought it home.

Fifth: Uh, is it anyone's surprise that a Fox News commentator has been named Shrub's press secretary? I heard Shrub on the boob tube just now say the guy had actually written some articles recently that criticized the Moron-in-Chief. When Shrub asked him about it, this Tony Snow apparently replied, "You should've seen what I wrote about the other guy."

Let me just ask you something, people: WHO THE FUCK IS THE OTHER GUY? Because if there's some *other* U.S. president out there -- aside from the obvious: Cheney -- I'd say it's time to make the switch. (Past time, of course. Way the fuck past time. Who the hell ... fuckfuckfuck! I'm NOT paying attention to the news. Nevermind....)