Will the pedestrian *please* cross the street?

Portland is an exceptional town. It's geographically stunning: A carpet of green runs through the center of the city, two stately rivers run through (or past) it; and on a clear day, Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Hood are stunning.

Somewhere along the line, Portland has also acquired a car culture that's exceptionally courteous to pedestrians. (I've often been of the opinion that it's because the drivers like to pause and take a minute to admire the scenery.) But sometimes, that courteousness is a bit ... extreme.

Like this morning.

I was out with the pup on our morning stroll -- well, truth be told, it was approaching noon because I rose a bit late -- and toward the end of the walk, I found myself standing on a street corner opposite the Random Order Coffee House. There was a sign out front. It had a lot of words on it. Some of them looked interesting to me. (They were food-related.) So I stopped there on the corner momentarily and tried to read the sign.

I was not looking at the street. I was not making any gestures whatsoever that would indicate I wanted to cross. Except for, as I mentioned, I was standing *on the corner.*

Presently, I heard a little toot from a car horn. I turned away from the sign and looked toward the sound. It had come from the prototypical Portland vehicle -- a Subaru station wagon -- that was lingering there on the street. The driver gestured at me impatiently. Given my sign language abilities, I had no problem interpreting: Get your ass moving across the street already, pedestrian! Jesusfuckingchrist! I've been waiting here an *hour* already.

My own facial expression -- Huh? -- was all she needed. She hit the gas and sped off.

Behind her was another car. Its driver decided to repeat the routine, but without the gesturing. She simply paused there in the street and looked at me.

Well, I said to the pup, looks like I'll have to read that sign tomorrow. Time to cross, whether I want to or not....

And so I did.

So next time you hear the old chicken joke, give it a Portland spin: Why did the pedestrian cross the road? Because the excessively courteous drivers demanded it -- and demanded it *now.*

I'm not complaining, though. It's much better to be forced to cross the street than to be run down.