I, Therapist: Part 3

I saw my first client a second time tonight. I don't know how she felt about it, but I felt pretty good.

I got all this praise from the teacher, although I have my suspicions that he works primarily within the framework of praise, rather than critique. In any case, he commented that I was "very casual with the client, almost like it was a friendship, but never, not a single time, did I see you slip out of your professional role; that is really wonderful work."

Aw, shucks!

Later, though, when our class of three took to discussing a question he posed -- "What are you learning about yourself from doing this work?" -- he said something that was not the least bit surprising, but which I decided to address head-on.

In response to his question, I commented on how much I love sitting in conversation with people. I talked about how much I had enjoyed this aspect of working as a journalist, and that I knew back then that there was something disarming about me because people often forgot they were talking to a journalist. So while I had gotten into this new line of work for selfish reasons -- wanting to experience again the mind-expanding work of listening closely to the stories people tell -- I had been surprised to feel such a sense of purpose in the act of *just being* there to listen.

After I said this, the teacher replied, "There's a softness to you when you sit with the client that I didn't expect. You're obviously interested and curious about the client, and you seem so *relaxed* in the session, but you never seem to lose track of what your role is."

He says things like this with the tone of surprise in his voice, like I'm doing something wildly unexpected.

So I responded thusly: I noticed last week that there was a hint of surprise in your voice when you called my work 'low key.' I tend to be direct and outspoken, bold sometimes to the point of brazen, and have a lot of body language going on -- I know this. The other week in class when (a different teacher) asked us what strengths we bring to the table, I mentioned I was 'unflappable,' and I noticed someone rolling their eyes when I said this. It seems common for people to confuse an outspoken woman with a hysterical one. But the truth is I know how to behave in different arenas; it's simply a matter of what I choose to do. I chose to give the finger to said classmate a little bit later; I choose to be outspoken and bold and do whatever else I do when I'm just being *me;* and I choose how to be in this role of 'counselor.' None of them is inauthentic. There's a whole lot of 'soft' going on over here. If you want the truth, that's it: I'm just a big old fat softie. But I'm not going to act like someone's therapist when I'm not.

To this, one of my classmates said, "You're three-dimensional."

As a side note, the teacher also said my session seemed "purposeful" and "planned" and that it stuck to a very tight focus. This is cool because the client talked about something I did not expect, and I just sank my little teeth right into it.

But while the teacher thought it was focused, I was just thinking of this thing an old boss of mine used to say all the time: "Just throw some shit onto the wall and see what sticks."

I guess something sticky also turned out to be useful.

Perhaps I have found the right line of work. Perhaps....