Done on the to-do list

After putting it off for more than a year and a half, I *finally* took a psychology exam required by my graduate school to assess and/or prove my competency in psychology. I scored an 85.

This is a worse showing than I care to admit -- especially because the test was pretty easy -- but I guess I don't really care all that much whether Skinner or Thorndike put some hungry cats in a maze to prove trial-and-error learning is a form of behaviorism. (It was Thorndike.)

Most of the questions I missed were arcane little things like that, rather than reflecting concepts that demonstrate my general competency and understanding of psychology. That's what I'm telling myself anyway, given my need to explain less-than-perfect performance. (And by perfect, I mean I wanted to score in the mid 90s on a test like this.)

So the other thing I tell myself, generally, is that I do poorly on standardized tests. Why? Because I am so freaking SMART and my use of language is so nuanced that I can see more answers that are possibly correct.

Ah, the defense mechanisms I can employ when faced with my own mediocrity....

Whatever. At least the test is DONE!

Now, I can move on to other things. Such as finishing my portfolio requirements.

So the other night, I attended an Al-Anon meeting. Everyone there was very sweet and several of them urged me to return. (I didn't tell them my purpose for attending was school-related; I simply thanked them for sharing their stories and giving me "something to think about.") I noticed, however, that one of the young men was especially friendly and kept looking at me when he talked. When we stood in the circle at the end and held hands, he squeezed mine very tightly.

I thought at the time -- and still consider it possible -- that he was just expressing a lot of love and compassion, human to human. Excepting homeless guys, a few funky Italian men and some indigenous villagers in the Amazon and Panama, if a man has shown *any* interest in me in the past 20 years, I haven't noticed. But I remember thinking this guy was looking at me with a little something odd in his eyes.

The only reason I mention it at all, though, is because I just found out tonight that it is apparently a popular dating strategy for men to attend Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon groups are often predominantly women. Given the codependence issues that you often see around relationships with alcoholics, I'll bet more than a few of those women are easy pickings for guys who can speak "12-step" and other associated emotional content.

Apparently, sex addicts *really* like this move. I'm told, from a knowledgeable source, that sex addicts joke about going to AA or Al-Anon meetings as "The 13th Step." I gather this is the step in which they fall off the wagon and bruise their balls.

So, hmmm.

Tomorrow, I'm going to hit a meeting of marijuana anonymous, as part of my 12-step attendance requirements. That will leave me with just one more to go: narcotics anonymous. And then I am soooooo DONE with this business. The meetings I've attended have made me feel like I'm in church. And that's not just because they all seem to be *in* churches. It's because they involve all this "god" talk that doesn't do much for me.

So tomorrow night's meeting -- and the next possible NA meeting I can find -- will complete the extra-curricular work I have to do for my "portfolio" for graduate school. Aside from attending and writing a summary of each of these meetings, the portfolio includes my resume, examples of my professional collaboration work, details of my paid or volunteer experience working in a helping role, a professional mission statement, proof that I've attended at least 10 hours of psychotherapy ... and there's something I'm forgetting. Anyway, I need to get this particular monkey off my back, so I'll be glad to kick out these last two meetings and MOVE ON!

And lastly, tonight, I got assigned my first two therapy clients, who I will see next week. This is *very* exciting in some respects, and terrifying in others. I would like to think I can help clients, but mainly, I just don't want to harm them. ... Should be interesting.