No bullshit

This is something I like about Dr. R: She seems rather liberated from bullshit. Conversations with her are crystal clear. And funny to boot. No need to discuss the *obvious* intellect, but I'll mention it anyway. Thus: intelligent. But really, it's the fact that she could sport a "Crap-Free Zone" tattoo that I genuinely appreciate.

Soccer-Squared (S2) and I were talking about this the other day: At some point in life, you start craving an end to bullshit relationships -- friends, lovers, whatever. (OK, maybe *we* just like to do without that, while most the population doesn't know any other way of relating. From S2's perspective, we're simply "more evolved.") In any case, we were discussing how much crap can be present in relationships: power differentials, shallow relations, oblique dialogue, jealousy and godonlyknows what else. And how *beyond tired* we are of that shit and how vastly more interesting we find people who take a serious stab at authentic communication.

I offered this comment by Dr. R as an example: "Let's just agree from the get-go that when we don't have the time for each other, we just say we don't have the time. Otherwise, it's assumed we have the time, and neither of us should question that." (That's a paraphrase. She was probably more articulate.) S2 replied: "Yeah, I've noticed she does seem to be very clear. I like that about her. I wish more people were like that." Ditto!

S2 and Dr. R are easy for me to relate to because they are so shit-free. I've been a proponent of clear, direct communication for a long time (granted, *not* with my mother, which is a grotesque failing of mine), but people have frequently regarded my directness as a bit freaky. It can be frightening, you know, to have someone share a feeling with you, tell you they like you, tell you they don't like what you just did, tell you where the lines are and what's going to happen if you cross them, etc. In fact, I'm sure people have considered me deranged at times, especially during my internment in Corporate America. (They *hate* clear and direct communication, which is why there are Web sites like this: http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html -- sorry, don't know how to make a link in my blog!) Good old Corporate America! I used to make heads spin Linda-Blair style with simple comments like this: I can't "just copy" that competitor material. See the copyright mark there? Not to mention, plagarism is just so ... gauche. No surprise when I got laid off, eh?

I'll point out, though, that there is a line -- sometimes, a huge, gaping chasm -- between clear communication and too much honesty. I'm reminded of this saying I heard once: "There is no such thing as brutal honesty; there's honesty, and then there's just brutality." I don't need to know every goddamned thing you're thinking, and you don't need to know every passing thought I have. But when it comes to what you *do* say, I appreciate it when it's clear and meaningful. Say what you mean, people. (You don't, in my book, always have to mean what you say. Otherwise, I'd never get to tease anyone, and I rather enjoy teasing people in a good-hearted way, especially with dead-pan delivery. Gets me in trouble all the damned time. But I keep on doing it.)

But now I'm just rambling.

Here's the thing: S2 is right. Somewhere in our evolution as individuals, we reach a point where bullshit in a relationship is just a waste of time and energy. Maybe some of that has to do with getting older and realizing that, in the life-is-short vein, depth and meaning and *genuine connection* with other people is a fundamental desire, as well as a minimum requirement, in our personal relationships. Otherwise, what's the point?

So, should she ever read this blog, I would say this to Dr. R: I like the way you pour straight shots. Keep 'em coming.

As for straight-shooting S2? You da bomb, baby. (This may be an outdated phrase, but I think it's better than "Fabu," which is what Dr. R called you. But then, she was feeling very in touch with 1973 tonight. So we can forgive that, huh?)