A sex fiend confronts my blissful ignorance

I've always liked writing headlines.

But, as you may recall, I'm not paying attention to the news these days. Nevertheless, I'm finding Letterman's monologues an indispensable source of information -- just enough to make me laugh and to actually know a little bit of what's going on in the world.

That's why I wasn't totally caught off guard when JellyGirl told me this morning that she's turned into a total sex fiend and has been mauling her husband in bed night after night lately. But that she only actually recalls doing so ONCE in the last 10 times -- there having been 10 times in the past two weeks. And she's been married for 13 years. "I would've told any of my friends you're full of shit," she told me. "No one has sex that much with their husband in a two-week period."

There's an explanation for all of this, which I learned about from Letterman a few weeks ago. It's that darn Ambien. Apparently, some people -- and fortunately, I'm not one of them -- have bouts of sleep eating when they take Ambien. They wake up, and their bed is littered with candy wrappers, or, worse, empty packages of bacon (and nothing's been cooked!). I checked this out with a few sources, other than Letterman, and sure enough...

JellyGirl has been taking the Ambien CR, and it's been turning her into a wild woman. "About 30 minutes after taking my nightly Ambien, I become a sex addict," she said. "I guess after 13 years of marriage, I can't get enough of my husband."

He doesn't seem to be complaining. But he does say it freaks him out at times because JellyGirl is acting completely normal when she comes onto him. "We hold entire conversations, and sometimes I read my book afterward," she said. "He has said he can't tell when I've taken the meds and when I have not."

You know, the more I'm thinking about it, the more I think I should find me a gal who's got that Ambien sex attack "problem." Unlike JellyGirl, pregnancy is not a risk factor with the likes of me. There would just be the sleep deprivation that comes from being kept up at night by someone with an insatiable sexual appetite. Would that be a case of her taking advantage of me, or me taking advantage of her? Hmmm. ... Well, I'd probably get tendonitis.

But I digress.

The freaky problem, of course, is that JellyGirl doesn't remember the sex. This used to bother her husband, too, but he's gotten used to it. And althought JG has called the situation "scary," she does not seem inclined to stop taking the pills. She's got terrible problems with insomnia. Probably, the sex makes her sleep better anyway. (A good orgasm, in my experience, correlates to a better night's sleep.)

But she did note that she and the hubby may be seeking my skills as a marriage counselor when she stops taking them.

On a separate note: S2 has been lobbying -- in a mild-mannered kind of way -- to get me to switch to the MFT program. It seems I'm "naturally systemic," according to one of my professors. (Sounds like a birth defect to me.) And S2 thinks there's nothing quite like a "wounded healer" to go messing around in family dynamics, thus making me a natural in spades. I suppose there would be nothing wrong with going MFT *and* LPC. Hmm. Thoughts, anyone?