Well, this sucks!
Last week in the class in which I learn how to behave like a counselor -- how to sit, how to talk, how to reflect content, feeling and meaning -- I did a taping with a fellow student. The point of the exercise was to reflect feeling.
Did I do that?
The transcribed dialogue says: Uh, no, not really.
What a fucking pisser!
(Yes, UCM, you feel frustrated.)
I did a lot of other therapeutic things in the exchange. But with the exception of a few oblique comments such as:
It sounds a little unsettling for you to make those kinds of choices. (Which is a reflection for sure.)
...and...
So credibility seems important to you. (A reflection of *something,* but I can't say it's a "feeling," per se.)
... and...
And you're seeing int really come to fruition. (I could not tell you *what* that kind of comment is. A reflection of "meaning" perhaps? But it came a bit early in the exchange for that.)
... with the exception of those, it seems I was happy to be doing Solution Focused Brief Therapy -- or something of that nature.
(S2 will giggle with delight when she reads that, I suspect.)
Other than that, I was really into the following comments:
Mmmmm.
Ah.
Uh-huh.
And really beautiful, fluid, provocative comments such as:
Mmm, hmm. What, um, what kind of rewards do you anticipate-- ... You say you want to do counseling, right? I mean, this was earlier in the conversation I think you said that.
Oh, the fluidity and precision of my words! My beautiful, thoughtful, intentional words!
What the fuck.
And now, I will have the pleasure of dissecting this dialogue for the instructor, telling her just what I intended when I said all these potent, saturated, therapeutic comments.
All I can say is:
Mmmm, hmmm.
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5 comments:
I bet you'll be a good counselor. Maybe you can give me some advice right now on what to say to someone who just revealed something that he feels really bad about- something he thinks he needs to apologise for- but really, I don't think its a big deal. How do I acknowledge his feelings that he feels like shit, while still saying, it's not important to me?
Hmmmmm?
Just say:
"You feel like shit."
Then let him keep talking about how much he feels like shit.
Don't say anything judgmental. Just say, "Oh," and "Mmm, hmm," and whatever else lets him get his whine out. If you don't argue with him, he'll probably feel like you accept what he's saying. You could also say you accept his apology.
Really, though, you might want to leave it to the professionals. This is what we charge big bucks to do.
Uh-huh.
Thanks for the advice.
So...now what would you say to me if I came to you and said I got my first official rejection letter? This feels like the first of 10...Now I feel like shit. You can just repat it back to me: "You feel like shit." And I will agree.
Uh-huh.
No, I would say:
"Mmmm. You feel rejected and believe you're going to be rejected by everyone."
Again, this is why I'll be paid the big bucks some day.
But not soon enough.
My $.04:
(1) I hated reflective listening and I *hated* this class. It feels awkward and inane and a waste of the client's brain power.
(1b) Unfortunately - it works. It's the weirdest thing.
(2) You will get better at it and feel more comfortable with it *after* this class is already over but about halfway through your practicum, and...it'll get you through those times you have no freaking idea what to say.
(3) At no point does our program actually teach us how to conduct therapy. This, apparently, is as good as it gets as far as hands-on instruction goes.
Your results may vary.
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