A trailer that earned hisses

The other noteworthy cinematic event of the day was a trailer for an upcoming film that would, indeed, scare the living shit outta me.

"Imagine your worst fears," the voice-over says. Then, on a black screen flashes, in white, the words "agoraphobia: fear of open spaces." This is followed by "clastrophobia: fear of enclosed spaces." And "aviophobia: fear of flying."

Lastly, the following words appear: "ophidiophobia: fear of snakes."

"Now," the voice-over says, "imagine them all in one place."

A film montage of strange images starts to pop up. A plane flying. People having sex in an airplane bathroom. Someone entering a small space in the belly of an airplane. And, finally...

Snakes. Snakes fucking everywhere. In an airplane. An airplane that's in flight. A flight attendant walks into the cockpit and finds no crew. But some big freaky snake with fangs lunges out at her from one of the seats. There are snakes in the aisles. Snakes in the bathroom. Snakes, snakes, snakes.

My god, now as I'm thinking about it, I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight, because I'm gonna dream about all these fucking snakes. ... See, I initially thought: Well, this is about a plane that crashes into a viper pit like that one in "Live and Let Die." Or something like that.

But then, it quickly became obvious that it was about snakes on an airplane. Lots of poisonous, big, scary snakes on an airplane.

I avert my eyes at times like this in the movie theater. I can't stand snakes. But if you had been there to hear it, I'm sure you all would've enjoyed the SNORT of laughter that erupted from me -- and the howls and hisses of laughter from many other people in the audience -- when we were all treated to the film's title, emblazzoned on the screen in a serpentine font: "Snakes on a Plane."

Seriously. That's the creative title: SNAKES. ON. A. PLANE.

You know it's doomed, right, when the audience watching the trailer doesn't react in horror, but in ridiculing laughter. People couldn't stop giggling. It was so bad that it made me wonder: Have I been PUNKED? Is this trailer a plant, (ala CJ)?

So I googled. And, yes, someone in Hollywood actually got this thing funded. And then, someone made a trailer. Whether it ever sees the darkness of an actual cineplex is anyone's guess.

But, if you really want entertainment this summer, my hope is that you too get to see the trailer. I'm willing to wager that's all you'll ever need to see. Certainly, I have already seen more than enough.