Too hot to handle

Want proof there's global warming? Come to Portland this week. Goddamned mutha-fuckin hot here, and I'm disgusted by it.

I know my friends in the Valley and in The South must be laughing. What's that I used to say about people barking these little complaints like me? They're Weather Wimps! Right? ... Well, YOU PEOPLE have A/C.

I went to the lake today and spent a good four hours or so swimming and lazing around in the shade, enjoying an overcast day that otherwise would have felt rather humid had I not been already wet from swimming.

Do I sound full of resentment? More specifically, am I oozing resentment? Because if I'm not sounding like that, I want you people to know this: I RESENT global warming and all that comes with it (rising seas, Tuvalu disappearing, hurricanes whipping into a frenzy, insufficient rainfall in the PNW and DISGUSTING heat). That shit? I RESENT it! Especially because it's only going to get worse.

Also, I resent not having A/C right now.

I do suppose, however, that this is just good practice for all that time I'll be spending in hell. As if all those years in Florida, South Carolina and Texas didn't count for anything.

I suppose one other thing I resent is that it can get so fucking hot up here, but it's still hard to get a decent tan.

Also, per my conversation tonight with S2, her hub and his ma, I resent Wal-Mart, Costco, Microsoft, for-profit health care (for SHAME!), capitalism, the NYSE ... and Sally Struthers. Just to name a few. And just to set the record straight.

And, of course, I still resent the goddamned heat.

I will, however, be accompanied from this point forth by a Greek chorus *or* a few Ooompah-Loompahs (depends on the day of the week and scheduling availablility). Both will have erudite (or at least lyrical) contributions to make to any conversation about my resentful nature, my storytelling style and my poor fashion sense.

H-yaw! Woop-ti-aye-eh! Who will dare to ride this bull?

No, I'm not intoxicated. I'm just being discursive. And I resent any suggestions to the contrary.