Topics: Couples therapy; Mowing down an elderly woman; and XGF's public display of nudity

Sometimes, two days contain a little too much that's spectacular, weird, pathetic -- or spectacularly, weirdly pathetic -- to cover effectively in one blog entry. So I prefer to write often, rather than not. But I missed the window for last night, thinking: Well, I'll just get to that tomorrow. Only to have tomorrow dish up its own batch of blog-worthy notes.

So you'll just have to be patient with me as I relive a bit of Tuesday before moving on to Wednesday.

Tuesday

I witnessed -- in fact, I participated in -- one of the most courageous, compelling educational experiences I've thus far come across in graduate school.

You would think that in a counseling psychology program, we'd be innundated with role-playing and other ways of practicing our craft before we unleash our naughty selves onto unsuspecting clients. But this is not the case.

I've participated in a few role plays, which I've sometimes described here, and I've seen a few classmates attempt to demonstrate techniques or conduct an intake interview. But only a couple of times has this occurred in front of the class. Normally, we get paired up and scoot ourselves off into empty classrooms or conference spaces and start trying out whatever we've learned in class. And even that is rare.

In Couples Therapy on Tuesday night, however, I was anticipating some role-playing. As I've noted before S2, Buddha Boy and I are in a little triad, where we alternate playing therapist to a couple in distress. There are three scenarios, each created by the therapist. Buddha Boy and I have had our turns as therapists already, so shortly after I picked up S2 on the way to class, I teased her, This is gonna be your night!

She was a bit distracted by thoughts of Little Pea having a fever and just shrugged a little, saying, "I haven't even thought about that."

Class rolled along rather peacefully. There was a discussion about an interesting article, in which I uttered what has become my rallying cry in this class: Unnecessarily heterosexist. Totally unnecessary. Then we had a break. I heated up some soup for S2 and myself. After break, the professor gave a lecture on how to "really" do Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, and it seemed to go on for a while.

As the clock approached 8, I leaned over to S2 and said, Looks like you might escape it after all.

Then, the professor uttered his challenge. "So now that you know 'how to do it,' is there anyone -- preferably one of the students who hasn't been the therapist yet -- willing to come up and conduct a session?"

I could hear all my classmates collectively sink back in their seats. This therapy is some seriously tough work, and two-thirds of the class has already experienced just what a flustering, confusing bit of puppetry it is to control an unruly, fighting couple. And we did so tucked away in a room where the only witnesses were the two classmates playing the couple.

I looked at S2 with a question mark on my face. She shook her head. "I'm not doing that."

The class sat silently. No volunteers.

The professor stared back at us. Silently.

I sensed an eternal ellipses dropping dot by dot in the emptiness of that silence. I looked over at Buddha Boy and noticed he was practically falling out of his seat, staring at S2. His eyebrows were up. I looked back at her. "Seriously?" she asked. And I shrugged.

"I'll do it," S2 said flatly, breaking the tension in the room and prompting sighs from those less willing to stomach it.

The three of us got into a circle -- in the middle of the large circle that the class sits in each night -- and Buddha Boy and I read up on our roles for a few long moments before beginning.

A fight commenced rather quickly. I played Autum, a controlling, tired-of-her-fuck-off-husband wife, and Buddha Boy played Bobby, a fuck-off who acts charmingly ignorant of the ways in which he dumps all the household responsibilities and parenting in my lap. The reason we came to therapy was because I heard him engaging his 11-year-old son in all sorts of adult conversations when the boy came to visit recently. Bobby and I have two kids of our own, ages 6 and 2, and I am growing increasingly worried of how he will handle the parenting as our kids get older. From the opening remarks, it was incendiary.

But S2 displayed a mastery of this scene unlike anything I expected. Some of it must come from being a mother of two, but silencing squabbling adults without sounding patronizing is an art form. She managed to shut me right up -- more or less -- and it wasn't because I was cutting her any slack. Bobby started going off about how he wanted to be "a man," and I got downright pissed. When he LIED and said he initiated the therapy, I went off at him.

S2 handled us like the ringmaster at a circus, but with none of the bluster and bravado. She appeared calm, spoke evenly, softly. At one point, she had to tell us (me, really) not to call each other "names." (I had said, I *wish* he was a man!) Rather quickly, she asked Bobby and me not to talk to each other, just her. And then piece by piece, she got into our story. Only once did she stop to ask for assistance -- when the emotion was suddenly heightened, and there was a dead-end in sight. With a prompt from a classmate, she corrected the course and brought the tenor of the session down to something a bit more polite.

It was compelling work. After about 20 minutes of this scene, S2 called it to an end. The class erupted into applause. Following a deconstruction of the experience and some demonstration by the professor of ways one might work further with this couple, class came to an end. On our way out, the professor said to S2, "You are my new hero. As far as I'm concerned, you do not have to do any more coursework in this program. That was excellent work."

To that I'll add: NO SHIT!

I was in the middle of it, so I can't say what it looked like from the outside, but the quality of the triad experience was considerably better than when Buddha Boy or I tried our hand at it. In fact, had I walked into an office and sat down across from S2 in a real counseling situation, I wouldn't guess she was a novice. The only thing that gave hint to me of how ridiculously nervous she must have been came after the session was over, when I noticed she was not breathing evenly while the professor deconstructed the deal.

And by the reaction of our classmates, I'd say I'm not alone in being blown away by how she managed the scene.

Really impressive, S2. Really.

In my opinion, we should be doing a HELL OF A LOT MORE of this stuff in class. Put some shit on the line. Give our classmates demonstrations of how different people have different styles. It shouldn't be so rare that the professor's request for volunteers comes as a surprise and ellicits such silence. It should be happening all the freaking time. What an amazing learning experience. I would have liked to be on the outside looking in....

Wednesday

What can I say about today?

I had an interview at an internship site, and within 30 seconds of meeting the clinical supervisor who was to interview me, I nearly plowed down someone in the hallway. I was walking and looking at the supervisor, when I suddenly felt something under my foot and heard a woman issue a breath-forced "ugh!" just as my right shoulder clocked her in the FACE. Instinctively reaching out, I found myself trying to steady an ELDERLY WOMAN. I quickly apologized. She mumbled, "It's alright" and scurried away.

We continued walking, with supervisor giving me a sympathetic but humored look. I said, laughing, Oh my god. I'm glad I didn't hurt her; I could've totally taken her *out*.

"That would have made a really great first impression," the supervisor said. And laughed.

She seems like a pretty likeable character. I also liked the clinic's population and its mission. And I especially appreciated the fact they they're not part of the CBT gestapo. "We're a democracy here," she told me at one point. And I instantly felt at home.

It was an engaging conversation. I'm going to pursue it further and see what happens.

Not long after I finished telling S2 how I nearly mowed down an elderly woman 30 seconds into the interview, I was surprised to see my Uncle Rick's name flash on my cell phone. He said he was "just calling to see what my favorite niece is up to."

I told him about the elderly woman, and he laughed. "Think they'll hire you?"

You mean take me on as their slave?

"What kind of racket have you got yourself involved in where you don't get paid to work?" he asked.

I wonder the same thing.

After a little chatting, the real purpose of his call came to light. He has set the dates for two memorial services for my aunt -- one in Hawaii and one in New Orleans. I'll head down to the Big Island next week to participate in a scattering of her ashes at sea. Sounds like a lovely thing. Just what she wanted.

Alas, I went off and made those plans and got my tickets before I looked down at my feet and saw my dog. I realized I need to find him shelter for the week I'll be gone. The first call I made was to XGF. We have an agreement -- one she's never cashed in on me -- to take care of each other's dogs while out of town. This is part of the doggie custody agreement.

XGF called me back several hours later and told me she *might* be able to do it but that I should attempt to find another caretaker. She is going to Rutgers toward the end of my trip and might not be able to take care of him more than a day or two. That's all and well. I'll look around. (Anyone want the company of a fine Cairn Terrier for a week?)

But as part of this conversation, XGF asked, "Will you come to my play this weekend?"

I took the bait.

And in short order, XGF shared with me that she had been asked to simulate fellatio on stage in the nude. At her CATHOLIC college. Which had also asked her to sign a contract saying she would not engage in any activity that was not in keeping with the Catholic traditions of the school.

Hmmm.

And then she tells me that she refused to be naked and simulate fellatio on stage but agreed, in lieu of doing so, to pose with her real-life boyfriend in all these nude photos simulating sex. They did this at a "hippie house where everyone was smoking pot," she said, laughing. "I spent two hours standing around in my panties while they posed us in all these sexual positions. I looked at a couple of the pictures and said, 'You can't use that! My ass is huge!' "

A selection of these photos were blown up to "30-foot" proportions -- in XGF's estimation -- and used to create the backdrop of the set. "It really looks like we're having sex," she said. "You should come see it the play. It will be the most horrendous thing you have ever witnessed. I feel sure of it."

Somehow, I believe her.